Renee's Story

A little bit about me.... I love Jesus, I love my daughters, I wear a dress almost every day (even in winter), I dance in my kitchen while I cook, I have bunny slippers with heels, I make playlists for everything (e.g. soup cooking mix, bath-time mix, folding laundry mix), and I am exceptionally proud of the fact that I have a budget..... somewhere.

I can remember knowing from an early age the incalculable value of truly loving someone. Motherhood was the most tangible dream in my heart as a child but behind it was another.  The one I never said out-loud but it whispered within me every day, the one I didn't even know how to hope for. My parents divorced when I was very young so the model of a loving husband and wife was left up to various couples within our church family. I ached to have a family, like many children who come from broken homes do. 

When I was 18 years old I met a young man named Michael. He was skinny with dirty blonde hair, his skin was tan from the sun, and his clothes were worn. His eyes were blue with gold flecks around the center, and his upper lip disappeared when he smiled. The first night we talked we stayed up until dawn and I knew that I could spend the rest of my life getting to know him. We fell in love the way only young, naive people can. Everything moved too fast, was extremely intense, and we believed that our love was the exception to every rule. 

We were married when I was just a few weeks shy of 21. Of course it didn't take long for us to realize that we weren't entirely different from everyone else after all. We fought, we didn't see eye to eye, and of course it was always the other person's fault. I was pregnant with our first daughter knowing I had gained the gift of motherhood, while believing my marriage would most likely fail. Then, by the grace of God, we came to the cross and were forever changed. Michael, for the first time in his life met Jesus, and I was finally ready to let go of the pain that I had let stand between myself and my Creator. All of the passion and energy we had once solely put into each other was handed over to God, and He made us completely new. Yes, the process was hard and stretching but it was glorious. 

 

Throughout the course of our 7 year marriage Michael and I were blessed with three daughters. Our family life was more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Joy and 

laughter constantly echoed between the walls 

of our little home. Hope rose inside of me. My dream of being a mother was fulfilled and I realized what my other dream was: to know the love that can exist between a husband and wife. I thank God every day for that gift and I will be forever thankful for it.

On June 24, 2010 Michael left for work and never came home. He drowned in the Spokane River on a canoe trip with a co-worker. Trying to find the words to express/explain the process my daughters and I have gone through the past two years are hard to find. I guess if I had to sum everything up I would say, it is hard but... God is good. 

This past January the Lord gently brought to my mind a prayer I had prayed when I fully gave my life to Him, "Lord, whatever you want for my life, I am willing. Whatever your plans are, I say yes. You are all I want." In that moment I could hear the words as clearly as when I first spoke them and I started to weep. Then I felt the Lord saying to me, "Did you mean it?" My answer was yes. No matter what happens in life I know I will never be separated from the love that is in Jesus Christ. I know that there is always a  reason to hope and even to dream..... 

Last fall I had a dream about an African boy. It was one of those dreams you wake up from vividly aware of each detail and it planted a seed within my heart. I shared the dream with a few people and then tucked it away, trusting that the Lord would have his way in my life, in his perfect timing. When the topic of going to Africa came up I went home and prayed about it and felt Him telling me to go. I am not quite sure what God is doing..... ha like I ever am:) I pray every day for a sweet boy whose face is etched within my mind, who represents all of the little children hungry and searching. I believe the Lord hears the hopes of the helpless and (if we listen) he calls to us so we can help comfort them too. (Psalm 10:17)