He Moves

Awake at 2am is what happens when I randomly fall asleep with all the lights on after putting my little ones to bed. Today (or I should say yesterday) Michelle and I reached our financial goals for our trip to Africa. I opened an envelope with $1,000 and was floored yet again. Thank you to everyone who has contributed!!! We are both overwhelmed by your generosity and willingness to partner with us. We have received SO many amazing cards and words of encouragement. We can not tell you how much we truly appreciate those of you who have prayed and continue to lift us up in prayer.

Last June, when we decided that we would travel to Africa together, we both strongly felt that we wanted to be purposeful about our time leading up to going. I can honestly say since I committed a lots been being rearranged in me. He has broken me in ways that I could have never expected, He's drawn into me and pulled out things I didn't even know I was living with. Walls in relationships, lies accepted as truths, patterns of behavior, limiting view points. All the while speaking and calling, stirring and moving in His gentle strength. With correction and care to beautiful for words..... He is getting me undone continually.

Tonight as I was sitting here worshiping, God spoke this again to me:

Do you trust me? Do you trust me with your heart, with your brokenness, with the girls...? Do you really know that I am in your midst, that I have conquered death and suffering? Do you believe that I will rise you up from the ashes, that I already have? Do you know I am using you as an instrument to share the hope that lives, to share me? Do you really believe I live in you? There is nothing that can separate us. Do you believe me.....?
Then go and freely love as I have freely given you love. Tell the world who I am, and the things I have done, and I will do even more than you can possibly imagine. Say yes, I have already said yes to you. Trust me with your heart and live. And yes, you will be pressed on every side but I will not let you be crushed. I will never leave you, you are mine and I am yours from now unto eternity.

He moves on our behalf, he moves on behalf of his children. He calls to us, He calls to others and draws us into each others lives. Thank you for your support, we feel so blessed to be able to go and answer this heart cry God placed within us.

Ethiopia!!

We Wanted to share with you all the amazing things we will be doing while in Ethiopia!

We leave home on the 22nd and land in Ethiopia on the 24th...and then it begins.

May 25th

• Visiting No Ordinary Love at their Children's House and Community Center. Loving on kiddos.
• Travelling 6 hours south to Awasa to prepair to hopefully install 2 water treatment systems.

May 26th

• Working with Children's HopeChest and installing water treatment/purification systems in Chapa and possibly Tullu.
• Activities and games with the children in those areas.

May 27th

• Working with Bring Love In. Day of pampering for the widows.
• Playing, teaching English, activities/crafts with children after they arrive home from school.

May 28th

• Visiting the Embracing Hope Ethiopia daycare and playing with the children.
• Meeting and talking the women at risk who are apart of Live FashionABLE. 

May 29th

• Working with with Children's HopeChest to install a water treatment system in Korah.

May 30th

• Visit the Hope For the Hopeless orphanage in Salulta and love on the kiddos.
• Fly home and arrive on the 31st.

We are beyond excited for this opportunity!! We are close to raising the funds needed to cover the trip. If you still would like to donate - please click on the donate button on the right of the blog. Thank you all so very much for your support!!!!!

Love,

Michelle & Renee

Journey To Africa

Welcome to our blog! Here is the recent support letter we sent out today. Any contribution helps - $1, $5, $150, $500 - you get the idea :)

We love you all!!

-Michelle & Renee

A new season

So.... Michelle and I have some updates about our trip. It looks like we will be going to Ethiopia this MAY!!!! We are both very confident in the timing and the way all of the pieces are coming together. We will be mailing out letters very soon and are in the process of making a little video to share online as well. We would both very much appreciate your prayers as the details of our travel plans are being worked out.

As I'm sitting here writing, a blog post by Levi Benkert (from Bring Love In) that I read a couple weeks ago keeps coming to mind. Follow this link to read it yourself. The post is about a woman, named Hawa, and her incredible testimony of God's faithfulness. The part in the article that continues to stand out to me was how frequently she said, "Praise Him" despite such hard and terrifying circumstances.

I can not begin to imagine the struggles this woman has experienced nor the goodness and closeness of the Lord's touch on her life. I can glimpse it, relate her experiences to my own loss but I can not touch it or fully grasp it, only God can. In Psalm 51 it says "You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart.  You, God, will not despise."

It is in these humble vessels that He finds good pleasure. Princes and princesses awaiting an inheritance greater than anyone can imagine, full of life that this world does not hold. I see glimpses of this eternal glory in her simple words, Praise Him.

I do not have the answers to most of the hard questions... questions that often rise up when reading life accounts of people like Hawa. I don't know why one person is given so much and another so little... and I don't attempt to judge who has more in God's eyes.

Every moment that passes life and death occur somewhere simultaneously. One person's dream comes true while another falls apart. Someone's happiest memory will transpire at the exact moment someone's saddest or most frightening happens. This truth both eludes and breaks me.

All I know is that when I have known nothing else, I have known Jesus. And He passionately pursues me. His love never gives up, he chases me with it. He covers me in it. He reminds me with creation, with testimonies surrounding my life, with promises that death and suffering can not quench or take.

I feel so fortunate to be stepping into this new season with such a dear friend, not having any clue where this trip could eventually lead either of us but very hopeful for what lies ahead. Michelle and I both feel incredibly blessed to have this opportunity and are continuing to pray for the Lord to prepare our hearts. 

-Renee 

A Quick Note

I love my pal, Renee, for a whole truckload of reasons.
A really BIG truckload.

I won't get into it much because then it would involve tissues and smearing mascara and so on and so forth.

I'll just be brief.

She gets me.
She gets me and she encourages me
and then she sends me this video:

"What will you create that will make the world awesome?"

<3

There is no Fear in Love

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

The Lord has given me a new song and I will try to "sing" a little bit of it now...

When Michael died I lost the only man on Earth I had ever allowed to love, protect and provide for me. I lost the only person I had ever shown my whole self to - the good and the bad. I lost the person who I could stand in front of with nothing to fear, nothing to hide and he loved me. I lost the person I dared to dream with - the person who saw so much more in me than I could imagine. I lost someone who was part of me. 

I did not curse God in my pain, I cried out to Him. I proclaimed His faithfulness in my raging storm and clung to His words for life. I believed in my darkest night for the more I could not see or feel. And He, in return, cocooned me in His love while He started a transformation.

This past January I had several break throughs. The first being that as I talked with a couple different people, I noticed a common thread of isolation. My advice was summed up in these statements, "What do we have to fear in being seen, if the maker of heaven and Earth can see us, why shouldn't others? Do we think our struggles or our sin is more holy than theirs? If you are not being intimate with people then you are not intimately walking with God." As I heard myself give this advice it pounded in my ears and broke my heart. I started to realize how isolated I had become since Michael passed away. We were made for relationship with God and relationship with one another; the two are intrinsically connected. I had plenty of people the girls and I were around but barely any that I let really touch and see my whole self. If we can't be real with the people sitting in front of us, then we, I believe, are not being real with our creator whom we can't even see.

1 John 1:5-10 says: This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

Please do not misunderstand me I do not think we should generally go around spilling our hearts to every "joe" we come into contact with. But when we are able to step into the light in areas of struggle with other believers (whom can be trusted) we gain an immeasurable amount of understanding on how God views and loves us. When we can see someone physically in front of us not judging or condemning us within our struggle, it is then that we truly start to understand what it means to step into the light of God's presence. Like 1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Often, I have found, when we allow walls to come down in our relationships with others, we allow walls to come down in our relationship with our Creator. Then He can in return heal, restore and redeem things that have been lost. When we truly step into the light, freedom comes and the process of being made new is no longer stunted. Another result of stepping into the light is that we gain boldness and doubt is dispelled which makes prayer ineffective (Matt 21:21, Mark 9:24, James 1:5-7, Heb 11:6).

The following is a journal entry that I wrote this past June:
Yesterday I would have been married nine years. "Would have" those words seem to echo as I write. People say to move into your pain, not to resist. How can I resist what runs within my viens. You are the only one Lord who sees beyond my exterior, my smiles, my actions, my comments. You are the only one who sees, who doesn't get the half truths, the short version of what's inside. Will I be alone the rest of my life?

Somehow during the course of the last couple of years I had let the lie seep in that I would have to wait until heaven to have fellowship like I did when Michael was alive. As it says in Proverbs 13:12, Hope differed makes the heart sick. My heart had become sick in the pain of Michael dying, in watching my girls suffer and endure life without their Dad. In January I started really allowing people into our lives. Yes, this can be scary because people are imperfect and can hurt you but what can be gained is of immeasurable value. The process of letting people into our crazy little worlds is messy, brings up issues and is hardly ever comfortable. Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" and it hurts to be sharpened. So often I have felt comfortable "loving" people from an arms length. I'm fine with helping them but if they want to come into our world that's another story. My flesh screams to pull back, run away and not give in. When I've stopped people from coming into our lives in essence I am stopping God, putting limits on how he can work. I have been continually humbled lately by this concept, I can not fully give if I can not fully receive and vice versa. Now thank Him for his patience with me, his faithfulness while I scramble around trying to make sense of things instead of resting and trusting His provision. So often I have been more concerned with protecting our hearts instead of trusting our hearts to Him. More concerned with protecting myself instead of stepping into the light and allowing God to build true fellowship with the people in our lives.

Jesus came to give life, the abundant life. No one is meant to be alone. There is hope, there is love and I have faith. Through His mercy unimaginable good will be accomplished and beauty is and will continue to come from the ashes. When we walk within God's love, we can not help but love others.

To my brothers and sisters in Christ: thank you for listening to me spill out my heart, for letting me get tears and snot all over you while I've cried, for standing beside me as I've mothered my precious girls. Thank you for cheering me on and speaking life into my being. Thank you for hoping when I could not, crying when my tears had run out, embracing me this redeemed mess and casting vision into our suffering. Thank you for your prayers, and for your practical help. I have passed from death to life because of love. (1 John 3:14)

Bring Love In

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

This verse speaks to my heart - as I know it speaks to Renee's.
To me (and I'm sure Renee would agree) it means:

go
do something
love on orphans
stepping out of my comfort zone
being thankful for what I have and the fact that I am NOT an orphan
snuggling my kiddo often
being change
loving others with passion
making a difference
making a dent
sharing the love I have been given and blessed by with others

Yes, Renee and I have decided to journey to Africa together. However, that certainly doesn't mean we have the whole trip planned out and scheduled - ready to go. It's a work in progress. We just knew God was calling us both there and we felt we should go together.

That being said, I have been praying that God would open doors and show us where we should go in Africa. That he would provide a way to love on the children and use our photography to help bring awareness to all of the amazing (and sadly the tragic) things that are happening there. I have been praying that whatever we end up doing there and whoever we end up working with would be right. Does that make sense? I want it to be a well thought out trip - not just some random visit to Africa. I am praying that it would have great meaning to both Renee and myself. I'm praying that it would stretch us and teach us and break us. I am praying that it wouldn't be some fleeting moment of a trip - that it would be continual, even after we arrive home. That we would be able to share our hearts with whomever we come across in Africa. Praying that God would use us and that we would be open to him using us in ways where we feel strong, but also in ways we feel weak. You get me? In any case, I've been praying.

Recently, I finished reading a book called No Greater Love by Levi Benkert. It's a story about a husband and wife that felt God calling them to do something greater than themselves. Here's the jist:

"Levi Benkert was playing with his children in the park when he received an urgent phone call from a friend asking him to drop everything and fly to Ethiopia to help organize a rescue orphanage for children destined to be murdered as part of a tribal superstition known as "mingi killings." Moved by his friend's story, Levi packed his bags and left for what he thought would be a short two-week trip. But upon meeting the children, Levi knew there was no turning back. Six weeks later, Levi, his wife, Jessie, and their three young children sold their home and all their belongings and relocated to Ethiopia indefinitely.

No Greater Love documents Levi's journey-from the challenges he faced establishing and running the orphanage to finding adoptive homes for the children."

Towards the end of the book, Levi (the author) talks about the organization/community they created in Ethiopia called Bring Love In. I wanted to know more, so I searched for their blog and found Bring Love In here. 

From Levi and his wife, Jessie:

"Bring Love In is a community (not just an organization) that exists to show the love of God by giving families to children who have none. We are based out of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia where we couple orphans and widows from within local Christian church communities, to create new forever families here in Ethiopia.

Bring Love In is passionate about creating new families, not just temporary families, but real, lasting, permanent families from orphans that we get from the overcrowded government orphanages in Ethiopia. We place them in a new family led by a widow who would otherwise not have anything herself.

We are not just creating new families, but families that raise up future leaders for Ethiopia. Leaders who will stop the cycle that created the orphan crisis in the first place."

The gist? Uniting widows and orphans to create new, forever families in Ethiopia. When I read this I thought, how beautiful! What an amazing thing to do! It brought tears to my eyes, to think that these sweet children no longer had to live in orphanages, but were being brought into a new family.  A FAMILY. I have one of those...and it means SO MUCH to me. I can't imagine what it means to these sweet orphans.

While reading the Bring Love In blog, I also came across this video, which of course, brought me to tears. Again. I get teary easily in my old age :)

My heart lept out of my chest. This was it! This is what I had been praying for.

Renee and I send videos, music, quotes to each other and exchange emails on a regular basis. I sent this particular video to her and without mentioning much, asked her to let me know what she thought. I waited and hoped it would speak to her as loudly as it spoke to me.

It did.

I contacted Levi and let him know a little bit of our story, our hope, and our hearts. I asked if it would be a possibility to travel there in 2013 and work with them (in whatever ways needed), love on orphans, meet widows, and take photographs. Fingers crossed, I hoped and prayed he would write back.

He did.

...yes, we'd love to have you. 
...let us know your travel plans.

And so it begins...


- Michelle